Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
