God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
