Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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