Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You can't motorboat a personality
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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