We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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