Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
