It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
