I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
