You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
