Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
