i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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