It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize