My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize