i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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