what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
