walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
