I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
