you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
