If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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