made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
