Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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