I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
