Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
