Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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