My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
