so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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