I will die if light touches me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
