so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
