Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
