My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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