I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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