I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
