my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
