If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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