Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
