Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
