is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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