you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
