i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
