Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she smelled like a LAN party
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
