I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
