Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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