Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
