I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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