the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
