he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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