I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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