Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at about main and main street
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
