i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
