Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
