His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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