I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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