I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
