god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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