are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
