Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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