They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ttyl tear gas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
