With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
