Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
