she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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