Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
