Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
