Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
