i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
