I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
