It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
