I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
