i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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